Name: Derek Middleton
Nickname: Dek
Birthplace: Falkirk
Age: 57
Weight: 87kg
Previous Clubs: Feltham Young Offenders, Barlinnie Weekenders
Bike: Felt F5
Favourite Rider: Eddy Merckx
Favourite other team: 700
Most memorable ride: Heather
Biggest thrill: Riding Heather
Biggest disappointment: Heather ditching me for Angus
Miscellaneous likes: Effective Midge repellents
Miscellanous dislikes:  Troosers worn halfway doon the arse
Favourite cake: Any cake with hallucinogenic effects
Favourite drink:  Any lager over 5%
Favourite TV show: The Walking Dead
Favourite singer:  Andy Stewart
Best friend: Adongo Dada Eckueme
Biggest influence on career: My probation officer
Biggest drag in cycling: Being last in TT races
International honours: Col de La Colombiere survivor
Personal ambition: To be second last in a TT race
If you weren’t a cyclist what do you think you’d be? A professional beer drinker
Which person in the world would you most like to share a beer with? Anyone prepared to buy me a pint and be bored shitless